Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
