After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
