I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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