youre lurking in front of me
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
