so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
