Don't you send me to vm
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
