Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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