your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I can tuck mytits in my pants
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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