More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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