he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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