He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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