I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
