Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
