I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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