Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
