im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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