And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
