as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
