i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
