Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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