just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
