While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
