cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
