She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
