There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
