Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
