someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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