What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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