So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
