Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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