she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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