her vagine was all disorganized.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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