kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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