Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
