Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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