i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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