dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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