He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
