whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
