i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
