Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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