You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
