I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
