just come out here and I will go home with you...
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
