One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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