If i come over, it means nothing
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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