apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
