i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
