If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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