Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
