Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
