I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
soo... how was my night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
