i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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