you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
