is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
